ARTICLE

WHY SHOULD WE FORGIVE?

     Most people want to forgive but don't know how.   Or, they want to forgive because they feel incomplete, but don't want to forgive because they have to face deeper stuff; again, the hallmarks of ambivalence and anxiety.   In general, the need to forgive is widely recognized by the public, but most of us are at a loss for ways to accomplish it.   For example, in a large representative sampling of American people on various religious topics in 1988, the Gallup Organization found that 94% said it was important to forgive, but 85% said they needed some outside help to be able to do it.   Religion did not seem to be the direct route.   Even regular prayer was found to be ineffective in lessening the tendency to not forgive.   The Gallup poll revealed that the only thing that was effective was "meditative prayer."  (See “EXAMPLES” below for more information on this technique.)
     Here are some compelling rational reasons to forgive:
1)   According to research, forgiveness is good for our physical health.  A classic forgiveness intervention study showed a significant improvement in cardiac functioning for male cardiac patients who received forgiveness therapy compared to control-group participants (who had a cardiac-health approach).  This was the first study ever published showing a cause-and-effect relationship between learning to forgive and experiencing a statistically significant improvement in a vital organ of the body.   Studies show there are potentially serious mental, emotional and physical consequences for not forgiving.  These range from cardiac to immune functioning, from skin conditions to deficits in social/emotional intelligence.   As one might guess, the less forgiving people reported a greater number of health problems.   Specifically, forgiveness has been linked to a lessening of chronic back pain with depression, and in other studies, to reduced levels of stress hormones.   Scientist have also found that forgiveness is one of several coping mechanisms that help people with HIV/AIDS live longer, or at least more satisfying lives.  

2)   Forgiveness releases discomfort, and lowers psychological pain.   Studies suggest forgiving reduces a wide range of conditions, from mild annoyances to crippling indecisiveness.

   “Forgiveness is the key to your own happiness. Forgiving someone else takes moral courage. It ends the illusion of separation, and its power can change misery into happiness in an instant.”-- Anon

Not surprisingly, not forgiving creates other negative psychological conditions, like guilt, although in my view, the greater the anger, the more guilt is masked, or in most cases, suppressed.   In some, the reverse is true; namely, guilt can actually motivate us to forgive.   Guilt can also motivate us to stop doing a lot of things; like procrastinating.   In this strange pairing, reduction of guilt feelings or procrastination behaviors actually is a reward, because it reduces internal negative pressure.   Anxiety is another internal dysphoric state.   Anxiety is undermined by forgiveness.  

Contaminated feelings generalize and contaminate more and more psychologically distant events.   This is the case of one bad apple spoiling the barrel of apples.   Literally, we associate one feeling and thought to another, not necessarily rationally, but because of neurological hard-wiring.   If there is one negative feeling in your brain, you can bet it will find a way to connect to another thought or feeling.   Now the second thought or feeling is paired with the negative feeling, which works its magic to convert the second thought or feeling into something “dark.”   Our brains are wired to do this, so if you don’t want your brain to be “spoiled,” remove the bad apples.   Old wounds have a ...

-Dr. Griggs

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